


For Too Long

by RainbowDonkeys



Series: RainbowDonkey's NCT oneshots [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Emotional Affair, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:21:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowDonkeys/pseuds/RainbowDonkeys
Summary: Doyoung and Jaehyun have been together practically forever, but Doyoung doesn't know if forever is what he wants, at least anymore.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Kim Jungwoo, Moon Taeil/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: RainbowDonkey's NCT oneshots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792162
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51





	For Too Long

Walking into school on the first day of senior year, things were mostly the same. 

Doyoung is still with four out of five of his squad: Johnny, Taeil, Jaehyun, and himself. They're still going to advanced choir after classes are over, with he and Taeil in the first two seats, Jaehyun in the middle row, and Johnny at the back. Johnny and Taeil were holding hands, and he and Jaehyun were holding hands. 

The only difference now was that Taemin, the fifth member of their squad a year older than them, had left for college. But the rest hadn't met him until high school, so with just the four of them, things didn't feel that different. 

The four of them had lived like this for years now. Johnny and Taeil had become an item on Valentine's day of sixth grade. But Doyoung and Jaehyun had been together even longer: since the third grade, when they all first met. 

~~~~~~~~~~

_The boys had gone to school together since they were old enough to go to school. From preschool through the third grade, Johnny and Jaehyun had been best friends, and Doyoung and Taeil had been best friends._

_But Doyoung and Jaehyun were enemies._

_Always fighting on the school yard, competing a little too hard when it came to academics and sports games, making each other cry at least once a week...the two of them were a nightmare for their poor teachers to deal with._

_But in third grade, something changed. A new kid came to the school, who made it a point to be not just enemies with one person but everyone. He called Taeil a dwarf and Johnny a troll every day. The whole class had enough, but everyone was far too scared to say something._

_So during lunch one day, after the bully had run away from calling Taeil names, Doyoung stomped over to where he was playing basketball. Doyoung had enough._

_"Hey!" He cried, the bully turning around. Looking to his right he saw Jaehyun coming closer too, but he ignored him. "Stop bullying my friend."_

_"Mine too," Jaehyun said sternly to the bully, crossing his arms. Doyoung thought Jaehyun looked tough when he did that, so he crossed his arms too._

_"Huh, what are you two gonna do about it?" The bully answered. "All the teachers know what I do and they haven't done anything."_

_"Well..." Doyoung paused, trying to come up with something._

_"I'll have my mommy call your mommy. Then you'll get into big trouble."_

_"Mine too!" Doyoung cried._

_At that, the bully froze with wide eyes._

_"Leave. My friend. Alone," Doyoung said firmly._

_"Mine. Too," Jaehyun followed._

_And finally the bully ran away, dropping the ball and hiding his face._

_Doyoung breathed a sigh of relief before remembering who he was standing next to, who had told off the bully with him. As much as he hated to admit it, Jaehyun did help. He never would have thought of the mommy calling thing without him._

_"U-um," Jaehyun stuttered, staring at the ground. "Th-thanks. I never would have been brave enough to come tell him off if I didn't see you do it first."_

_"Thank you," Doyoung answered. "The calling mommy thing was really smart."_

_"You know..." Jaehyun started. "Maybe...maybe we'd be better off as a team than hating each other."_

_Doyoung stared at Jaehyun and the boy stared back at him. The anger in his heart slowly began to melt, and he couldn't even remember why it had been there in the first place. "I think you're right," he answered. Suddenly, a strange urge overtook him that he couldn't fight, and he pulled Jaehyun into a tight hug. Immediately Jaehyun hugged back. "Let's never be apart again, alright?"_

_"Yeah. Never apart again. I promise," Jaehyun said. "Pinky promise?"_

_They locked pinkies and shared a smile._

~~~~~~~~~~

Despite the fact that their hesitant friendship turned into whatever a third grader's idea of romance was very quickly, they had never broken up or even come close to breaking that pinky promise ever since. Despite how young they were, they always took it seriously. 

But maybe it was a little silly to hold two stupid eight year old's promise so dearly.

So really, nothing had changed. Since Doyoung was eight years old almost nothing had changed. But maybe...he was ready for something new. 

~~~~~~~~~~

"Bun-bun?" Jaehyun said mockingly as the boys sat down for lunch. 

Doyoung gave him the death glare he used specifically for when Jaehyun called him bun-bun. "Yes." 

Jaehyun snorted and leaned over to smile at Doyoung. Doyoung sighed and looked away; it was strange how Jaehyun's grins and stares still made him shy even after all of these years. 

"Did you check the group chat?" 

Doyoung shook his head. "Why?" 

"Taemin said his cousin just transferred to our school. Johnny told Taemin to tell him where to meet us." 

With surprised eyes Doyoung checked his phone and sure enough, Jaehyun was right: Taemin had announced his cousin, Jungwoo, would now be a student at our school, and insisted they all watch out for him. 

"H-Hi guys," a voice spoke to their little group, and they all looked up. Standing before them was a gentle looking boy, with wide eyes, clutching his books like his life depended on it.

"Speak of the devil..." Johnny said with a grin, and the boy squeaked. Johnny laughed. "Just kidding. You must be Taemin's cousin. I'm Johnny, this is my boyfriend Taeil, and this is Jaehyun and Doyoung." 

"I-I'm Jungwoo. C-Can I sit with you guys?" 

"Of course," Doyoung answered a little too quickly, because this guy was cute. Now Doyoung didn't often find other people very cute, since he'd been off the dating market for a long time. But Jungwoo was just...cute. 

"H-How was your guys summers?" Jungwoo asked. 

"Ugh," Johnny groaned, ever the talkative extrovert. "College shit." 

Everyone groaned in agreement. 

"Where are you all thinking of going?" Jungwoo asked. 

"Me and Taeil. UC Santa Cruz. We're gonna get an apartment," Johnny said confidently, wearing a grin and rubbing Taeil's shoulder. The two shared a bright smile. 

"I'm Cal Poly," Jaehyun added, and Jungwoo turned to Doyoung. 

"I really wanna go to Syracuse," Doyoung answered. 

"Syracuse? All the way out in New York?" Jungwoo cried. 

"Yup, that's the plan." 

"But it's so far!" Johnny and Taeil whined. Doyoung was used to these remarks from them, but never from Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun didn't even say anything, just gave one of those pathetic forlorn looks that Doyoung never knew what to do with at his food. Jaehyun had always been supportive of Doyoung's plan in words, but they'd known each other too long for words to really matter at that point. As Jaehyun played with his food, Doyoung sighed. 

"Don't worry, I'm not judging. I get it. You wanna get away." 

Doyoung grinned at Jungwoo. "Exactly." 

~~~~~~~~~~

And that's when the seed was planted. 

Jungwoo came into their mix quickly and easily. He was quiet but funny, soft but teasing, cute but cool. He joined choir too, easily making his way up the ranks. 

And Doyoung thought about him maybe a little too much. 

It was easy to begin rationalizing in his head how much Jungwoo might be better for him. Jungwoo was more pretty than Jaehyun (whereas Jaehyun was more handsome). He could sing better than Jaehyun. His popularity level was more on the level of his own, whereas Jaehyun had friends asking him to parties weekly and girls asking him out daily. They don't fight, in fact, they've never fought. With Jaehyun, fighting was the basis of their entire relationship. 

But another voice spoke other things. Jungwoo just seemed better, but would he ever want to really be with him? Could he ever really be with him? Did all of the bullshit he thought of even matter? 

But those things seemed like the irrational parts of his brain. 

Could he even kiss Jungwoo they way he kissed Jaehyun? 

If he kissed Jungwoo, that would be his first kiss with someone other than Jaehyun. 

~~~~~~~~~~

_Jaehyun and Doyoung's first kiss was at Jaehyun's tenth birthday party._

_As homophobic as Doyoung and Jaehyun later learned Jaehyun's parents were, they still adored their son. And he was perfect, truly, their only child, only boy, valentine's day kid._

_That birthday was blessed with a bouncy house and a pile of presents higher than Doyoung's own head._

_But after the pinata had burst and the kids scrambled to pick up the candy, Jaehyun had tugged Doyoung by the wrist, far far from his large backyard, behind the shed where no kids or parents were even near._

_"What's up?" Doyoung asked with concern. He couldn't stand to see his boyfriend slash best friend upset on his own birthday, and Jaehyun really did seem nervous. "It's time to open your presents, don't you wanna do that?"_

_Jaehyun looked at the dirt ground then back up at Doyoung and shook his head. "Th-there's only one thing I want for my birthday this year bunny."_

_"What is it?"_

_"C-Can we kiss? On the lips?"_

_Slowly, but very surely, Doyoung nodded back._

_And so the two boys shared their first kisses, hidden behind Jaehyun's shed, full of the closest thing to love that a ten year old could have. And they returned to the party giddy, and none of the presents Jaehyun opened brought him nearly as much joy._

~~~~~~~~~~

Doyoung kind of forgot all about Jungwoo when he and Jaehyun had a sleepover. 

There were a lot of drawbacks to having homophobic parents, but Jaehyun and Doyoung had learned to take advantage of it when they could. Both their parents were 'kick your son out for being gay' homophobic, but both of their parents had always just thought they were childhood friends who were super close, who still had sleepovers together. 

Doyoung and Jaehyun would let them believe whatever they wanted. 

They were at Doyoung's house this time, kissing in his bed, laying down beside each other. 

"Bunny?" Jaehyun asked softly, his lips dragging over Doyoung's. Doyoung just _melted_ ; the difference in the effect the word bun-bun versus bunny had on him was crazy. 

"Yes, love?" 

"Love you," Jaehyun mumbled tiredly, holding Doyoung's thin frame close to him. Doyoung and Jaehyun both realized that holding hands or making out in the hallways at school didn't make you cool by the seventh grade, but when it was just them alone it was all gentle touches and soft affection. "Don't leave my side, okay?" 

"You've still got another year," Doyoung teased back. 

Jaehyun froze and tensed around Doyoung, taking a deep breath. "Of course. Of course," he said, kindly as always. "You're going to New York." 

Doyoung sighed deeply and fell still, letting Jaehyun hold him, almost squeeze him to his chest. Why couldn't Jaehyun just say it? Why couldn't he just admit he was upset Doyoung wasn't going to school with him, so far away? It drove him crazy. 

And Jungwoo's face came back into his mind. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Once Jungwoo was a solid part of their squad, the boys did what they always did: have a sleepover. Maybe they were a bit too old for big slumber parties, being seventeen year old boys and all, but what did it matter when they were so fun? 

All five of them were gathered in Taeil's living room, Taeil sitting between Johnny's legs as they faced off at mario kart, stuffing their face with cheetos. Taeil's twin younger sisters were there two; the twelve year olds had _insisted_ that if the boys were going to take up the living room for a whole night, they were allowed to give them all makeovers. 

So that was what was happening, Taeil wearing a bright red lipstick, Johnny having on thick eyeliner and his short hair tied into two pigtails, and Jungwoo with more than enough blush and highlighter. 

It was now Doyoung and Jaehyun's turn, one girl doing each of their eyeshadows. Doyoung heard a snort and saw that Jaehyun was looking at him. 

"What?" Doyoung whined. 

"You look like you have a black eye," he teased. 

Doyoung made a face at him. "You look like you have pink eye." 

"I think you both look pretty!" Jungwoo piped up. 

"Thank you, Jungwoo," Doyoung said with a pointed glare at Jaehyun. 

"Stop moving! You're messing it up!" One of the sisters whined, and the boys immediately fell silent. Taeil would kill them if they ever disobeyed his sisters. 

Finally the girls were done and sprinted back to their own room, giggling, and Johnny and Taeil finished their round of mario kart. 

"Anyone else wanna join in?" 

"Me!" Jungwoo spoke up excitedly. 

"M-"

"Doyoung, could you come with me?" Jaehyun said, wrapping his hand around Doyoung's wrist. 

"Sure," Doyoung answered with a sigh. He kinda wanted to play mario kart with Jungwoo instead but he let Jaehyun drag him off, down the hall and into the bathroom. Jaehyun slammed the door behind Doyoung and immediately pulled him into a deep kiss, holding the back of his neck. 

Doyoung scoffed against his lips. "What's all this about?" 

"You look sexy," Jaehyun answered breathlessly before capturing Doyoung's lips again. Doyoung kissed back for a moment before smirking. 

"Didn't you say it looked like I had a black eye?" 

"It's hot. You're hot." 

So they kissed again, as only hormonal teenagers can, hands tangling in each other's waists and hair. Jaehyun pulled away for a second and they looked over one another. Doyoung had to admit that Jaehyun, too, did look pretty hot in the pink eyeshadow. 

"You know," Jaehyun mumbled. "It's been a while since we..." 

Doyoung sighed; it was true. "Both our parents are home a lot more lately." 

"Let's ditch school for a day. Just you and me, take some time for each other." 

"No way," Doyoung answered. "We're supposed to go to college soon? We've got GPAs to keep up." 

"Doyoung, you have a 4.2 gpa. And anyways." He smiled softly. "I know someone who works in attendance. Doyoung...if...since we might...be apart soon, I wanna be with you. I wanna be with you as much as I can." He accompanied his soft words with caresses to the back of Doyoung's neck, to the collar of his shirt. 

Doyoung sighed and rested his forehead on Jaehyun's shoulder. He didn't know what to say. 

~~~~~~~~~~

_Sex had always been a weird thing for them._

_They were probably too comfortable with it for their age, and that was because they'd been far too young when they had their first time._

_Freshman year of high school was when gay marriage was legalized, and both of their parents were pissed. Screaming, yelling, saying how the country was turning into a shithole because of gay people, how the sanctity of marriage was gone._

_Doyoung and Jaehyun were pissed, too. Their parent's reactions awakened and anger and fear in them that couldn't be controlled, couldn't be stopped._

_So they did it. They didn't do it in the basement but on Doyoung's bed on the main floor. They didn't want their parents to catch them but they almost did; a part of them wanted to have that revenge, hurt them they way they hurt their own children without even realizing._

_It wasn't like the movies. It wasn't like how it should have been. It wasn't beautiful, it was rough and angry and for none of the right reasons and Doyoung knows they should have waited, and he thinks Jaehyun does too._

_But they can't take it back now._

~~~~~~~~~~

Doyoung wasn't sure how to feel when he and Jungwoo were assigned a duet for choir. 

Part of him was beyond relieved and excited to spend time with the boy he'd sort of become obsessed with. 

But the other part of him felt...icky, for reasons he couldn't place. 

Jaehyun had been weird too. 

"No no no I'm happy for you!" Jaehyun had repeatedly insisted. But Doyoung knew it was only partially the truth; the looks Jaehyun gave Doyoung and Jungwoo when they were rehearsing and the whispers he'd heard from Taeil and Johnny that Jaehyun was complaining he'd been wanting a solo with Doyoung forever told Doyoung everything he needed to know. 

Doyoung pondered all of this as he walked into Jungwoo's house for the first time; the two of them had decided to get some extra rehearsal time at home in before the showcase, and Doyoung sure as hell wasn't letting sweet Jungwoo even have one interaction with his despicable parents. 

"Hey mom! Hey dad!" Jungwoo said cheerfully as they walked in. 

"Hi sweetie!" His mom answered, walking over to them. 

"This is my friend Doyoung," Jungwoo introduced. "We're gonna practice for the choir competition." 

"Oh, is this the one you have the duet with?" His mother gave them a grin. "Maybe he's more than your friend..." 

"Mom!" Jungwoo whined as Doyoung stared at them in shock, watching this friendly teasing go down. "He's just my friend. He's got a boyfriend." 

He was...out? And his parents did mind, were so comfortable with it in fact that they could participate in some friendly teasing? 

"Hello kids," Jungwoo's dad finally said as he walked in to greet his son. "Oh yeah, is this your friend with the boyfriend for a whole decade?" 

"Yup," Jungwoo answered, smiling proudly at Doyoung. 

"Aww!" Jungwoo's mother cooed. 

"That is so sweet," Jungwoo's father added, and they were so genuine that Doyoung's fingers started shaking. 

"Anything I can get for you two?" Jungwoo's mom asked. 

"Wh-where's your bathroom?" 

"Right down the hall sweetie," she answered, and Doyoung dashed off as quickly as was polite. 

By the time he managed to shut and lock the bathroom door behind him two tears were running down his cheeks and he was practically shaking. Johnny and Taeil's parents were nothing like his and Jaehyun's, but Johnny and Taeil weren't out either. 

He could imagine it. He could imagine being with Jungwoo, having somewhere to get back to when everything else was lost, knowing that there would be adults in his future to rely on who didn't hate who he really was. The image of Christmas day filled his head, with Jungwoo's whole extended family, kids running around, treating him and Doyoung no different than the other couples amongst them. If he wasn't with Jaehyun...he could have a family. 

A small voice in the back of his head wouldn't be quiet. All it could repeat was, Jaehyun was his family. It had been too long at this point for Jaehyun to just be his boyfriend.

There was the other picture of Christmas he'd come up with, the one with Jaehyun and himself and Johnny and Taeil and other college friends he may meet in the future, with their kids running around, not family by blood, but a found family. 

The two images tossed back and forth in Doyoung's head. He splashed some water on his face and went out to go practice. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Doyoung sunk further and further into himself. 

As the semester continued on, he hung out less and less with his friends after school. Whenever possible, he spent time with Jungwoo instead, but when that got too suspicious he just spent his time alone. 

Jaehyun's texts went ignored for hours, Doyoung fighting the urge to open them. 

Instead of that decreasing the amount of texts, Jaehyun only shot him messages more. Way more. 

Doyoung knew it was getting bad when the teasing slowed down to a complete halt and instead he was getting more fluffy, lovey-dovey messages. 

Jaehyun only texted like that when he was _really_ desperate. 

Maybe Doyoung was spamming Jungwoo like Jaehyun was spamming him, but Doyoung didn't know what else to do. He asked Jungwoo about himself, complained about the big presentation he had Monday, getting a response about half of the time. 

_doyoung dude come hang w us today,_ Johnny ended up texting in the group chat one sunday afternoon, _we miss u_

 _sorry. big presentation tmr :/,_ Doyoung answered, shutting off his phone for the rest of the night. It was only half an excuse; he really did have a big presentation. 

But on Monday morning came the message that really broke his heart. 

It wasn't Jungwoo who messaged him, the one Doyoung had spent a week complaining about it to, but Jaehyun, who only saw him mention it once in the group chat. 

_good luck my bunny. youre going to be amazing, you always are. now go kill that presentation._

_thank u <3, _Doyoung answered. He didn't call Jaehyun love; his nickname for him since the sixth grade, his ever present answer when Jaehyun called him bunny. Doyoung didn't even notice until he saw Jaehyun's dismal expression at lunch. 

Doyoung was miserable, he was depressed, he felt so utterly empty inside. The so called logical parts of his brain said it was because he was trapped by Jaehyun and their idiotic promise from the fucking third grade. 

But the illogical, irrational part of Doyoung knew that it was only because he was pushing Jaehyun away. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Sometimes, now, Doyoung made a point of avoiding his friends at school. Seeing them in person only made him confront all of his strange feelings, and that was one of the many things he was just so sick of dealing with. 

So he walked around with his head held low, trying to go unnoticed. Just...watching. 

He saw Jungwoo talking to Yukhei, the quarterback of the football team, laughing and touching his arm. Huh; he didn't know they were friends. But he dashed off before Jungwoo noticed him, or could say anything. 

He walked further, this time seeing Jaehyun talking to someone. It was a girl Doyoung didn't recognize, short with brown hair tied in a ponytail, looking up at Jaehyun and laughing with smiling eyes. This time, Doyoung couldn't tear his gaze away. Doyoung knew how popular Jaehyun was with the female population of their school; he always had been. 

Doyoung burned with anger and stormed further down the hall, before stopping. 

This was ridiculous. 

If he _really_ liked Jungwoo, wouldn't he have been mad that he was so clearly flirting with Yukhei? And why was he mad about Jaehyun? His boyfriend was extremely gay and would never cheat, even if he wasn't. 

Doyoung sighed. It was himself; it was all himself. He was really just projecting all of his confusion onto his boyfriend. He was the one who was cheating, if only in his mind. 

Confused as ever, Doyoung headed off to class. 

~~~~~~~~~~

It was the night before the big choir showcase, and Jungwoo was at Doyoung's house, for the first time. 

Doyoung's parents hadn't said anything about Jungwoo and had let them go up to his room to rehearse, not suspecting a thing. They never suspected a thing between Doyoung and Jaehyun either, but Doyoung had been worried that other people could read his thoughts as easily as he could. 

Doyoung thought he knew what he wanted, as much as the back of his mind swore he didn't. He was going to get with Jungwoo, and all of his confusion and restlessness and fear for the future would disappear. 

Jungwoo and Doyoung had just finished yet another round of their duet song, their voices tired. It was eleven thirty at night; probably time for Jungwoo to go home. But first, Doyoung was going to get what he wanted. 

As they looked at each other when they finished singing, Doyoung steeled his wildly beating heart and sinking stomach and leaned in, pursing his lips. But he didn't feel anything back. 

"Doyoung... what the hell are you doing?" Jungwoo asked. Doyoung immediately pulled back and _deeply_ flushed, looking away. "You can't do this. You have a boyfriend." 

"But Jungwoo...Jungwoo, I haven't ever even kissed anyone else. I just...feel so stuck." 

"That doesn't mean you should kiss me though! In fact, I like someone else." 

"Who?" Doyoung cried.

"...Yukhei."

"You mean the quarterback? He's a fucking idiot." 

"And you're an asshole!" Jungwoo yelled. "You don't even know him." Jungwoo's voice went back down to a normal pitch, remembering Doyoung's parents. "And you were gonna cheat on your boyfriend of more than ten years. See, I can see why you might have those feelings...but I've known you for long enough to realize what all of this is really about. You don't actually like me. You're just...you're afraid of what people think about your relationship. Not people at school, but people like your parents. Adults. And you want something easy and uncomplex. I get that your relationship with Jaehyun is complicated, more than most high school relationships are, just because you've been together for so long. But no relationship is simple or easy, if it's a good one. You have to work on it, you know? I've only known you for a few months. But what I do know is that there's nobody you love in the world more than Jaehyun. Don't ruin that, okay? And don't bring me into it." 

Doyoung swallowed and took a deep breath; he wasn't sure what to say. 

"I...I'm gonna go. So you can think. It's late anyways." Jungwoo stuffed all his things into his bag and headed out the door as fast as his legs would take him. Doyoung didn't even look at him; he felt like he wanted to throw up. 

And he was about to when the doorbell rang. 

"Doyoung, what the fuck is going on?" Doyoung's mother screamed. "Go get that, now." 

Doyoung sighed and stood up, swallowing and trudging to the door wordlessly. He figured it was Jungwoo who forgot something but he sure as hell did not want to speak to him right now. 

But when he opened the door his jaw dropped: it was Jaehyun. 

"Wh-What are you doing here?" Doyoung stuttered. 

"I don't know...I...I know things have been weird lately but all of the sudden I got this weird awful feeling in my chest a few minutes ago? I just felt like something was wrong and I had to come over..." 

"W-Well...come in." 

"Is everything okay? You...you don't look so good," Jaehyun said with a soft caress to Doyoung's face. Somehow, Doyoung immediately felt better. 

"Yeah. It's okay. Just.... let's talk." 

Doyoung quietly lead Jaehyun up to his room and he locked the door, double checking it before sitting down on the bed. Jaehyun laid down and slowly, Doyoung laid down next to him. 

"God....can we talk about what's been going on lately?" 

Doyoung took a deep breath. "Yeah. Of course." 

"I just... what have you been feeling these days?" 

It was time he told the truth. "These days...I've been feeling...stuck. Like nothing's ever changed." 

Jaehyun took a deep breath and nodded before speaking. "By...our parents?" 

Doyoung gasped because....because of _course_ Jaehyun knew Doyoung better than he knew himself. He was stuck by his parents, by his family, by the homophobic fear that surrounded his person. By being in the closet, not getting to fully be himself all of the time. 

That was why he wanted to go far, far away, so he could go far, far away from them. That's why he thought he wanted Jungwoo, so he wouldn't have to put up with Jaehyun going through the same things. 

"That's what it is. I...I wasn't sure before but yeah." 

"What did you think it was? About...me, right?" 

Finally, Doyoung nodded. "Yeah. And I...I...god this is so hard to say because I never _really_ felt this way? But I thought...Jungwoo would fix things? I don't know, Jaehyun, I'm so so sorry, but I...I never really felt anything? But I...it's confusing, I..." 

Jaehyun buried his face into the crook of Doyoung's neck. They both trembled, Jaehyun processing Doyoung's words, Doyoung terrified of losing the man he cherished most in the world. Finally, Jaehyun sighed deeply. "I understand. It hurts but it's an easy place to go to since our relationship is so unusual. Being who we are, in families like ours...it's exhausting. And...I'm so tied up in your childhood. But once we go to school things _will_ change. Things will be different." 

"Even if we're still together." 

Jaehyun slowly smiled at that. "Of course." 

Doyoung sniffled. "Jaehyun, I'm so-" 

"I know you didn't really feel anything for him. So don't be." 

For a moment or two they just held each other, closer than they've been in weeks. 

Doyoung chuckled, the mood much brighter now. "I can't believe we've been together almost ten years and still have to work on communicating better." 

"Right?" Jaehyun answered.

"Speaking of...it's your turn for honesty. Please." Jaehyun took a deep breath. "I can tell you feel weird about us going to different colleges." 

Jaehyun grimaced and looked away, sighing. "Fine. It's true. I just...I didn't want to be unsupportive, how awful is that? I didn't wanna be that boyfriend that gets pissy when their partner tries to have their own life. But at the same time, I'm just really afraid of being without you. When you started pulling away recently...I just got a glimpse into what college might be like and I was terrified. That's why I got all clingy." 

"I understand," Doyoung finally answered. "I totally get why you would feel that way. To be honest, though...now that we've talked, I'm not sure if I want to go to schools so far apart anymore. You're right that it was way more about my parents than you." 

Jaehyun looked up at Doyoung with the biggest smile he'd seen from him in a while. "Really?"

Doyoung nodded. "Yeah, love." 

Jaehyun simply beamed at the return of his nickname. "Oh, bunny, can I apply to Syracuse too? I actually kinda wanted to go there too but you seemed so adamant about going there alone..." 

"Yes, yes please," Doyoung said. They would be far, far from home, but still together. Stuck together, but not stuck. 

"Bunny...I know we bicker a lot. I know what we have is weird, and hard, and complicated. But I truly love you more than anything else in the world. And, really, I want to spend the rest of my life with you." 

Doyoung tried to ignore the single tear streaming down his face. "I do too, love. I do too." 

_~~~~~One Year Later~~~~~_

It was a Tuesday afternoon and Doyoung should have been in class. But, he was as happy as he could be. 

Moving to Syracuse with Jaehyun had been the utter relief Doyoung never knew he needed. The freedom from fear and hiding made life better in a way he didn't realize it could be before. It made him loosen up considerably. 

Like, now, for example. Instead of being in class, he and Jaehyun were at their dorm in post coital cuddling. A tray which held breakfast minutes before was at their feet, and Doyoung couldn't stop smiling. How could he get so lucky to have a boyfriend who brought him breakfast in bed? 

Looking at Jaehyun's face, Doyoung realized life was wonderful. It didn't mean their relationship wasn't complicated, or that it didn't need work. But knowing what it took to get to this point, he knew it was all worth it. All it took was a little bit of communication and a lot of realizing that no amount of time was too long to be with Jaehyun. 


End file.
